


If Only

by supergirlshero85



Category: Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergirlshero85/pseuds/supergirlshero85
Summary: Clara has a secret. Will she finally tell her best friend? Thanks a bunch to my amazing Beta, MissWritingStoriesObsessedReviews are very welcomed!





	1. Chapter 1

“You know when I said to get out there and have fun I meant with Jeffery or one of Matt’s friends. Not our married Boss.. You and Jack really? Mae said as she came bursting through the door. 

“Yes, Mae Jack and me. He just left to go back to his wife.” Pulling the sweatshirt around her body Clara headed to the kitchen and made them both some tea. When it was done she handed one to Mae before taking her on and sitting back down on the couch. Her friend wanted details and she knew she wanted to share it finally. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence Clara sighed and started filling Mae in on the details. “It started after the case in Italy...He was worried, came over I couldn’t sleep and well we kissed and the rest I am sure you can figure out. It was so needy of me? but it was perfect. For the first time since Brad died I wasn’t so alone. But as soon as we were done he was leaving making excuses and apologizing. I swore I'd never let it happen again you know I'm not that girl,  
but then the next case happened and he was here and gone within hours.” Speaking of Jeffery he didn't wait until we were home he was jealous and made sure I knew I was his.” 

“How did he do that?” Mae asked with a small smirk. Blushing Clara shot her a look before answering. 

“He took me in the jet when you and Matt were asleep.. And he was less than gentle with me. I had marks.” 

“ I know it's so wrong but how can after all the time alone this happen? Maybe it's how it's suppose to be he isn't happy with Karen.. I stupidly let myself be happy.” Cara said with a sad smile. 

“And I was until tonight. We were out at dinner and when we left he was holding my hand acting like a proper couple. Then who do we run into ? His older son.” Cara said as tears started to fall. “ We weren't even kissing but he's no fool. Anyway, long story short he brought me home dumped me and I called you.” 

Clara finished ,her eyes looking down into the dark pool of her tea. Mae was her best friend who knew Clara had already lost Jack and that she couldn’t lose her to. 

After what felt ages, Mae was next to her hugging her tight.   
“Ok so you and Jack… well we can fix that! You can come out with me for a girls night, and we will forget him. Then your calling Jeffery.” Mae insisted in hopes Clara would just agree. Pulling back Clara shook her head. 

“No wait. That’s not what I mean.” Clara said seeing Mae’s face fall with disappointment. 

“Why?” Mae asked.   
“Mae i’m pregnant.” 

“It’s Jacks I was going to tell him but he left. Hearing Clara’s confession Mae went wide eyed just for a second. 

“Ok no alcoholic drinks for you. We'll get through this Clara, I promise you. You’re not alone. You have me and Monty. We’ll figure this out.” Mae said pulling her best friend into a tight hug.


	2. Chapter 2

Standing up Clara wiped her mouth off before taking a deep breath. Walking past a worried Jack she back into the station to compose herself in the cooler air. They were in Australia and the heat was kicking her newly pregnant ass. Sitting in the chair she had just put her head in her hands when she heard Mae’s frantic whisper.  
“Are you ok? Jack is worried so am I. This isn’t like you.” Mae said as she reached out a hand covering Clara’s. 

“I know Mae it's just morning sickness. I need to avoid heat and Jack. .I can do this.” Clara said as she finished her water and got up to head back to where Jack and Matt were. The rest of the case she laid low just trying to focus on her job. It wasn’t until they were on the jet heading back after their de briefing Jack pulled the tired Clara aside.  
“Look I know i’m the last person you want to talk to, but I am your friend and i’m worried about you. Please Clara talk to me.” Jack asked his green eyes begging her to let him in. 

Looking into his eyes, Clara wanted nothing more than to confess all to him but she couldn't. He had chosen a path and it was one she had to accept. So instead of telling him about the appointment she had at family planning earlier in the week, her decision to keep the baby and raise it on her own, she just squeezed his hand and promised him she was ok. Walking back to the side of the jet she stared out the window as they flew back to D.C.

Clara waited until she was home to let herself fall apart. She cried for Brad, for her baby for Jack and mostly for herself. Hearing a knock on her door she wiped her eyes as she headed over to answer it. Seeing her exes eldest son outside she fixed her hair before letting him in. 

“Ryan, what are you doing here?” She asked as she wrapped her arms around herself protectively.  
“Uh, well, Clara, I know I was rude the other night it was just a shock seeing you and dad like that. I mean you and him were always friends. I knew him and mom were having issues I just didn't realize how bad. Just know I'm sorry and I didn't mean to upset you. In the process of going getting mad at my dad.”  
Nodding Clara walked over and took a seat on one of the couches.  
“Well I deserved what you said Ryan I knew he hadn't left your mom. I was just happy and told myself it was ok it would be ok. If nothing else you brought us to our senses.” Hearing the last part Ryan shot her a confused look.  
“Dad didn't tell you? He left mom I figured for you..”  
“Wait he left her?! Clara said her heart stopping for a moment.  
“I'm sorry I need to go. Let yourself out.” Clara said as she rushed out the door feeling so not herself calling Monty as she drove. After a few minutes of pleading she had the hotel Jack was staying at and turned her car in that direction. She was filled with so many emotions she really didn't know what she was going to say to him. 

He had left his wife and didn't even tell her. 

Had what they had together meant nothing?! Why hadn't he come to her? Pulling into the hotel she grabbed the sonogram slipping it into her pocket as she made her way inside. After a quick flash of her badge she hurried through the hotel up to Jack’s room. Turning the corner she walked up to the door and was about to knock when she heard a raised voice on the other side.  
“So you break up our family for what? A romp with Clara? You're not even with her ?! You know what I felt bad going to a lawyer but this shows me we don’t matter and you know what my lawyer said? I will win custody. Your job and actions will make sure of it.” Hearing Karen’s words Clara fell against the beige wall feeling totally defeated. Not wanting to hear anymore Clara turned and left without ever seeing Jack. Karen was mean but she was right she couldn’t be a single mom. Her whole support system worked the same crazy hours she did. Distressed and depressed she just headed home.

She knew she wanted this baby she had already taken to talking to it. Calling it her little bean. But how was she suppose to raise bean all on her own. Would she have a nanny stay with it ? Would she tell Jack. She had went into the appointment fully ready to terminate and move on. She wasn’t ready to be a mom that was until she had met a woman younger than her scared but determined. If she could do it so could Clara. She wasn’t sure how but she knew she was ready to be a mom. Clara just didn’t get it was the world just against her. She had always been a good person tried to help others and it seemed it was one hit after another. Her and Brad had planned this life they would get married work for a few years then have kids and settle down some. Now she was three years older 

Once home Clara went straight to bed just wanting to forget the world. The next morning she was woke by a frantic knock on the door. Getting up Clara pulled on her robe and slide on her fuzzy slippers. Opening the door, she sighed when she saw Ryan once again. However before she could say a word he had pushed in. 

“Look I know I was a jerk but ypu can’t kill my dads baby. I mean your and dad's baby.. You were always good with RJ and Emma. I saw the flyer, don’t do it!!” Ryan said as he ran a nervous hand through his dark wavy hair. “ It’s against God and dad will never forgive me, for not stopping you.” Not sure how she got in this situation she pushed Ryan down onto her couch. Then taking his hands in hers she looked into his eyes. “It was freaky it was almost as if she was looking at Jack. 

“First i’m not sure how you know, but that appointment was for Information not termination, and secondly if I was it would be my choice. Your dad left and you are just a hurt son who was hurt and lashed out. He is so proud of you and could never hate you. Three you have to let me be the one to tell him…” 

“Tell me what?” Jack interrupted as he took in the scene between his son and ex girlfriend.


	3. Three

Looking up Clara's eyes met Jacks. Patting Ryan's leg she got up. Dreading the discussion that was to come.  
“Ryan you should go. I have to speak to your dad.” Clara waited until Ryan was gone to even turn to Jack.   
“Why are you even here? Funny thing your son was the one to tell me you left Karen. I went to see you last night he was just making sure I was ok.” Clara explained. Without even offering him a seat she turned to head into the kitchen. The nausea was back and she needed some water. Once alone Jack wound his hands as he took a seat. His eyes falling on the same flyer his sons had the night before. As he read the text on the flyer everything clicked into place. She was pregnant he had gotten her pregnant and left her. He thought as he felt the guilt building.

“You're pregnant?” He asked a pale looking Clara.” She was pregnant and he had thrown her aside like a piece of trash. Dropping the flyer onto the counter as he held her hair back while she threw up in the trash. When she was done he handed her a napkin and some water letting her compose herself before he demanded answers.” Taking the glass Clara composed herself best she could before answering him. Seeing the stupid flyer once more she crumbled it before talking.

“First yes I'm pregnant and yes it's yours”.   
“And Ryan? Why was my son here ?” Jack asked as he ran a nervous hand through his hair.  
“Ryan was here apologizing for his behavior the other night and begging me to not terminate. I told him as I told you. The appointment was for information and if I terminate its me decision.” Clara sighed angrily. She was suppose to have time to decide what she wanted. What she could handle and it was all piling on she was nearing complete emotional exhaustion and just didn’t know what to do.   
“What I want to know is why you left her and didn't come home? Did I mean nothing to you jack?” Clara finished quite angrily. 

“I'm sorry Honey. I know leaving you was wrong, but I am here now.” When Ryan saw us, I was worried about what he would think, so I made a quick decision…” Karen knows I'm in love just not with who. Karen knows it’s over. I'm sorry, I heard you had stopped by last night. Why didn't you come in?” Jack asked as he walked up to Cara taking her shaking hands in his. 

“Yes, Jack I did come by to find out from Ryan your son! That you left your wife that hurt more then you could ever know. So to find out from your son that you had left your wife. Jack, the fact you didn’t tell me hurt more then anything. I was going to confront you but then I heard Karen yelling. I just , well what she said hit me Jack.” Clara said as an intense sadness filled her. She was Clara Seger kick ass Agent spoke multiple languages. She was the one who took life by the horns. Not fall apart over a little baby. When she calmed herself enough to continue she looked right into Jack’s blue eyes.

“How can I do this alone? The plan before Brad died was that i’d stop working when it was time. Now I find myself wanting it all. Wanting to be a great agent and a great mom, how can I have it all? Jack I can't do it alone.” An emotionally exhausted Clara.  
“Well that's simple. You won't be alone. You have me.” Jack whispered as he brought his hands up cupping her face before he kissed her deeply.   
“I promise we will figure this all out.”


	4. Four

“ You're just leaving me like that ?! After almost 20 years.. Why no I know why it's her isn’t it? Ever since precious Clara has come back you have been distant. I forgave you for screwing her back then.. Now to thank me you're leaving me for her? I can’t believe it.” Karen had said before breaking down. It had been a week since Mac had left.

Now as he stood there in front of the house he once called home a sense of dread filled him. Karen had been so upset and rightfully so. He just hoped she hadn’t turned his youngest against him. They were the last to know Ryan saw it coming since he had seen his dad with Clara, Josie was far away at college, sad but hopeful that her parents would be ok.

That left R.J. and Emma the babies he loved more than anything. Today was the day he took them to their new house smart advice from David. He had been staying with Clara but had listened to David and got a place that was his. The kids would need their own space to be and deal with it all. Taking a breath he walked up to the door and let himself in. He was about to call out when Emma ran down the hall and into his arms hugging him tight.   
“Daddy I missed you so much! Mommy said you moved out why dad?”   
“Go get your stuff Emma. I will explain everything to you and R.J. later for now let me speak to your mom.” Jack said before heading to the kitchen to speak to Karen. 

“I thought we were waiting to tell them together?!” Jack said as an intense anger came barreling out. He usually was one to keep his cool but when it came to the well being of his children all bets were off.  
“Yeah well I decided they should know their dad left.. I am done keeping your secrets and making you out to be the good guy. You put work over us and I could live with that but putting that woman and her bastard child ahead of my kids I won’t stand for it.Yeah Ryan let it slip. He was over here making excuses for you. It was sad Jack. I was crying hoping it was a phase. That’s when he told me about the baby. To be fair I only told them you moved out not why. Left that up to you. I know you took your stuff Thursday but make sure it's all gone whatever’s left i’m donating. Have the kids back by seven on Sunday.” She said before turning and heading out the back door not looking back. 

Turning to the counter Jack gripped the edge as he tried to calm himself.  
“Don’t worry dad she’s just going through the change Ryan told me all about it.” R.J. said as he came in carrying a backpack. If only that was what was wrong Jack thought sadly.   
“Yeah we'll talk about all that later get your ipad and your homework then head to the car.”  
Jack said as he went to the room he once shared with Karen and made sure everything he wanted was out of it. He had filled one last bag when he heard the kids calling out to him to hurry up. 

Sighing Jack said one last goodbye to his past before heading to the car and driving off to his future. His apartment was close to the job and Clara’s home it was there for when he had the kids. It had two bedrooms. One for each kid and an extra bed in Emma’s room for when Josie visited. He would sleep on the futon in the living room, It may not be much but it was home for now. After letting the kids in he let them settle calling Ryan to make sure he’d be there after dinner for when he told them all about Clara the divorce and the baby. For now he would just enjoy his kids and help them settle in. He had just put the Wi-Fii code in R.J.’s ipad when his phone rang. Seeing Clara’s name on caller ID he stepped out onto the balcony. 

“Hey you’re just the person I wanted to talk to.”  
“Hey sweetheart I know I said i’d keep my distance and I will I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone and David and I are in your corner always. Also that your kids love you and it will be ok.” Smiling Jack leaned against the door her words flowed over him like a calming warm bath.   
“Yeah, they will be. So far, the kids are liking the place. Karen told them I left but not why. I will be having that conversation later. I am telling them it all the divorce, you and the baby. I just don't’ want to keep hitting them with things. Figure tell them all of it and let them digest it.”  
“I think you know your kids best Jack and I support you fully.” Clara said her voice calm and soothing.  
“I’m sure it will be ok. Let me get back to them I love you. Thanks for checking in.”  
“We love you to.” She finished before hanging up.

Asking the kids what they wanted for dinner, he took their orders then called the local pizza place. When it came they ate in a comfortable silence, until a knock on the door ended all of that. Letting his oldest in Jack ushered his three kids to the couch before calling Josie on face time. Once all his kids were present he started the hardest conversation he’d ever have. 

“Ok guys from your mom you know I moved out. I wanted to explain it a bit more and after I do I will answer any questions you may have. “ Jack said taking a deep breath before continuing on.   
“Well, your mom is amazing she’s your mom and I love her I always will. But I am no longer in love with her and we have decided to separate. I am in love with someone else and it wasn’t fair to your mom or you guys for us to fight all the time and for me to stay away.”

Hearing his brother start to get upset Ryan slide next to him sliding a reassuring hand to his back. R.J. in turn taking his younger sister's hand as he saw her start to frown. Josie and Ryan’s faces also showing signs of disappointment and hurt. Taking a deep breath Jack continued on. Knowing if he stopped now he’d never finish.

“I now live here and this will be your house whenever I have you or if you come home Josie. I am not fighting your mom on custody. She wants primary custody which means you Emma and R.J. will live with her full time and I will get you every weekend or if i’m away when I get back.   
Hearing the custody arrangement R.J. got upset. It was like his best friend Jake his dad left and they barely saw them. Holding back tears he squeezed his sister’s hand as he waited for his dad to continue.  
“Pushing on there is more. You know Aunt Clara well she and I are seeing each other and she’s pregnant... “ Upon hearing the last part Emma burst into tears.   
“That’s not fair daddy she stole you from mom!” She said before running to her room. Ryan told his dad to stay before running after his sister. Leaving Jack with the other two. R.J. refused to make eye contact while Josie told her dad just what was on her mind.   
“Dad I love you always have been a daddy’s girl but pregnant really? I just thought you and mom were meant to be. I was one of the ones whose parents always showed up… This just sucks but don’t worry if we have to pick sides i’m on yours.” Before she got off Jack reached out wishing he could hug her.   
“Josie there are no sides just know I love you so much. I always will and nothing will change that.” Nodding she told him she had to go. With that the signal was cut and that left the two.   
“Dad you said Aunt Clara is pregnant. So I will have a brother or a sister? Will you live with them full time and not us? Is this because mom kissed the guy at church? I told Ryan not to tell you he has such a big mouth… I don’t want to pick sides, I love you both but it sucks this just..”  
Before he could go off like his sister did Jack moved to the couch pulling his now crying son into his arms. He was in love yes, but this love had broken up his whole family and he wasn’t sure any of them would be ok again. He had two families now two families he had to combine into one.  
“R.J. I will always be your dad. Always. This baby will be your brother or sister but it won't change anything. If you feel you need to see me you call me I bought you and Emma phones. So you can reach me whenever wherever I am. You need me I am there. As for living with Clara and the baby I will when it’s born but for now this is our home ok?” He asked as he rocked his son like he did back when he was just five and had fallen off his bike. This wound was internal yes, but Jack was going to do everything in his power to fix it just like cuts R.J. got that first time he went out on his bike.


End file.
